~ love letter to my legs ~

Yes, you read that title right.  This post is truly one long letter of appreciation addressed to my legs.  And no, I'm not joking.  So, if you're not in the mood for a whole heap of honesty and a solid attempt at body positivity, turn away now.

Ready?  Here we go.

Dear Legs,
     We've been through a lot together, you and I.  I've often taken you for granted, cramming you into too small skinny jeans and mismatched socks, letting half of you go uncovered in an attempt to get rid of a shorts tan (which doesn't work, by the way), and whacking you on the edge of the counter every single time I walk into the kitchen.

You put up with a lot on a daily basis, and for that, I am grateful.  So legs, here's something I've been meaning to say.

I'm sorry for the time I was three and covered every inch of you in Arthur and D.W. bandaids and refused to let anyone remove them for a week.
I'm sorry for cramming you into uncomfortable, sweaty tights, several days a week for 12 years.
I'm sorry for looking at you in the mirror and pinching areas that were too fat for my liking.
I'm sorry for hating your stretchmarks.
I'm sorry for that time in my life when I shaved you every other day, without fail, with nothing but a razor and some cold water.
I'm sorry for all the scars from years of raising kittens, and baby squirrels that fell out of trees during hurricanes.
I'm sorry for all the cuts and bruises from climbing over fences, skinning my knees, and that one time I fell and rolled ten feet down the sidewalk in the rain when I was late to class (though I totally blame my slippery Converse All Stars for that one).
I'm sorry for all the twisted ankles and hurt knees and pulled muscles that I ignored in an attempt to be a "serious dancer who doesn't let pain get in the way."
I'm sorry for hating you when you were muscular, and then hating you when you lost the muscle.
I'm sorry for obsessing over that weird cluster of freckles that you couldn't do a damn thing about.
I'm sorry for thinking you were fat and ugly and that my knees looked like displeased babies.
I'm sorry for hating your cellulite and covering you up so no one would see it.
I'm sorry for all the summers I wore jeans and long skirts so I wouldn't have to look at you and I'm sorry for going running in leggings, so that I wouldn't see you jiggle.

I'm sorry for caring more about what you look like, than how you feel.  I'm sorry for last week when I decided against wearing that dress because it showed my knees.  And I'm sorry for setting impossibly high expectations that even the strongest of legs would fall short of.

So even though it might take me a while, and I might have to re-read this post several times to encourage myself, I'm hoping to make up for my 19 years of bad behavior.  No more Jergen's self tanner, no more laziness, and no more leg-envy.  Let's begin, shall we?

xoxo,
Eliza

~ little things ~

01. stripes, leather, fur, and red lipstick.

02. picking out an outfit for tomorrow's new year's eve celebrations

03. interesting sights on my walk around the neighborhood

04. hanging up a world map in my room to remind me of how much I have yet to explore 

05. beautiful words from Carson McCuller's The Member of the Wedding

06. a joyous NYE photo from the 1940s

07. if I had to sum up 2013 in one word, it would be exploration.  How I started the year is very different from how I'm ending it.  People departed from my life, people came into my life - some staying longer than others.  I learned lots of valuable lessons, lost battles, found out that someone wasn't who I thought they were, broke down, and then picked myself back up.  I explored my creative side and found out that it's the side I'm most comfortable with. 

 I'm different person.  But change is good.  Here's to another year of lessons, triumphs, new relationships, strong friendships, new opportunities, and an abundant supply of hope.

xoxo,

Eliza

~ war paint ~

Here's a topic that I feel needs to be addressed: mistakes.  They suck, don't they?  There's no denying that.  Whether it's small (drinking coffee at 8 PM and not sleeping that night) or big (telling someone how you feel before they're ready to hear it) or ginormous and life-altering, a mistake can certainly take a smile off your face very quickly.  But here's the thing: most (except for the really big ones) are only a passing situation.  That perm will eventually come out, you can always repaint the bedroom (princess pink might not have been the best idea), you can return the shoes that you thought were your size, send back the dinner that you thought was dairy-free but wasn't.  Even the majority of the bigger ones can be forgiven, corrected, forgotten or found funny 5 years later.  So why do we beat ourselves up about having a temporary lapse of judgement or not thinking things through?  Maybe it's because we set standards for ourselves, sometimes even harsher than the standards we set for the people we surround ourselves with.  When something doesn't go as planned, we hold ourselves responsible and call it a mistake: something to pick apart, analyze and dwell over.  Well here's the thing - people think that if you are constantly aware of your mistakes, you won't make another.  But sometimes you are so busy thinking of the past (where all your mistakes live) that you miss an opportunity to avoid a mistake in the present.  Even set yourself up for a mistake in the future.  So try this next time (and there will be a next time, I assure you): forgive yourself.  It might sound cliche and impossible, but it takes less energy than beating yourself up.  Understand that you're only human and treat each mistake as an opportunity to build yourself up, instead of tearing yourself down.

Put on your war paint, hold your head high and MOVE ON.  It's not healthy to get so stuck on past mistakes that you forget to truly live.  So here I am.  Admitting that I've made mistakes in my seventeen years (some big, some small), putting on my brave face, and carrying onward.  

~ side note: my war paint happens to be eyeliner, which is surprisingly hard to draw on in a straight line ~

 So, do we have a deal?  Forgive yourself.  Let go.  Move on.  Don't let the past keep you from experiencing the present and looking forward to the future 

A negative mind will never give you a positive life